After 10 years of partying, I finally stopped to ask myself why. I didn’t like the answer.
It was the same reason I found myself lost in the throes of toxic loves. I had fully accepted that I was broken & unlovable. I didn’t believe I deserved to live a rich life. I was living completely divorced from my body & spirit. Chasing success like my life depended on it, climbing my way to the top of the NYC Real Estate Staging niche, and partying away any spare time. I couldn’t bear a moment of silence, let alone a moment of inactivity. Fully addicted to anxiety, I forgot what it was to be content with myself.
Fueled by letting go of a bad romance, I began exploring hatha yoga & ayurvedic theory.
It was there that I found something I’d been missing: a sense of ease. I began a deep dive down the spirituality rabbit hole and soon I’d discarded my abuse of drugs & alcohol to adopt a sober-curious lifestyle. It didn’t take long for my newfound autonomy to be put to the test. I met new love a few months later and found myself lost in an abusive relationship, using drugs & alcohol to cope with the fact that the man I had given my heart to was not as he had seemed. How could I ever trust myself again?
In true form, I kept it moving.
Continued trying to climb the ladder in my Design career, pulled a Khloe K & worked relentlessly on a revenge body, and became a full-fledge spiritual junkie. It seemed like I was on a healthy path, moving forward. It didn’t even occur to me that my motivation in all of it was still external validation. I was punishing myself with strict diets & long hours in the gym. Seeking materiality as the answer to the massive lack I felt in myself. I still had not conquered the lesson that the universe kept offering up: loving myself.
I continued to engage in my life-long anxiety addiction until life itself intervened.
I began dating again about a year later. After 3 dates with a new love interest I broke out in a full body rash. Not. Cute. Let me tell you. I was given multiple diagnoses & prescriptions from different doctors all telling me entirely different things. How could I start taking serious pharmaceuticals to treat the rash if I wasn’t even sure of the root cause? It became a no-brainer to toss aside logic & follow my own intuition in the face of Western Medicine’s shortcomings. I was divinely led to Medical Medium, whose information I applied and was able to heal my rash (& my liver) in about 6 months.
I tried to date again. Fell off a table looking at the Empire State Building from a rooftop.
Broke my ankle. Couple days later, corneal abrasion out of nowhere. Yep, it was no longer deniable. I needed to be with myself fully: mind, body, and spirit. I began exploring my relationship with my body more fully – bringing in somatic practices, aligning with my feminine energy, practicing intuitive eating & movement. I took it one step further and enrolled at the Institute of Integrative Nutrition. Soon I felt a major shift: I was beginning to fall in love with myself. From this place of finding true vitality, I found my true purpose. Now I’m here to tell you that you can too! Take it from this reformed party girl, recovering anxiety-addict, and mended spirit.
